Sunday, February 19, 2012

Important Wisdom from the Week



1. If you pride yourself for being a weirdo, people will start to believe you. You will regret, for a moment, the time that you copped to owning a T-shirt emblazoned with the Periodic Table of the Elements, pretended to buy eyeglasses from 1982, and bragged about being a bonafide rodent magnet. Then you'll reconsider reconsidering and just continue to rock that weirdness because it's really all you've got.

2. When your dear, sweet child screams from across the room, "Hey, Mom! My bottom smells like shrimp!", it might be wise to carve out a more regimented bathing schedule.


3. If you make the mistake of mentioning to your child within thirty days of Valentines Day, "I wish they made feetie pajamas for big people!", and your husband is in ear-shot, there is a high likelihood that he will bequeath to you, with much secrecy and hype and displaced fervor, a pair of adult feetie pajamas. They will be pink and there will be a hood with a draw-string. They will appear to be roughly eight feet long and will resemble the bunny suit seen along Main Street near the "We Buy Gold!" place. The relative width of your husband's eyes as you pull the suit from the box (yes, there will be a box) will tell you that he believes this is the gift of the ages, but you will feel a tiny bit mad on the inside, like the time your great aunt gave you an Operation Desert Storm t-shirt in 1996. You will know that part of the fault lies with you, but you will also know deep within your heart that it could not possibly be good for your marriage or your general moral and well-being to ever don the pink bunny suit. Even if it's true that yes, you do often complain of being cold in the evenings. In the end, you will err on the side of truth and your husband will box them up with much understanding and a tiny twinge of shame and you will love him even more than you did the day before. Also, you will make a pact with yourself to weigh more carefully all future statements regarding fleece zip-ups.

39 comments:

  1. I got pink feeted jams for Christmas.

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  2. Weirdo's rule! : )
    Weirdo's unite!
    XO XO XO

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  3. Oh my! I haven't laughed that hard in ages. =)

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  4. I can't stop laughing at "Hey, Mom! My bottom smells like shrimp"

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  5. Love it!!! I needed a laugh this evening:)

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  6. Why is there not a picture of you in the bunny suit?

    Why oh why oh why?

    bye.

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  7. hahaha. this is fantastic. every inch of it.

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  8. Could these be the Forever Lazy's that I have wondered if I would love??

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  9. Picturing you in the role of Ralphy from A Christmas Story. And I cannot help but laugh!!! Sorry. If you've seen the movie you know what I mean. :)

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    1. That was EXACTLY what I was thinking as I read this! :)

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  10. No picture of you in the pink bunny suit? That's just plain WRONG.

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  11. Ditto the image of you in Ralphie's bunny suit......too funny! Sweet husband...A for effort!

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  12. I'm really wondering which child has the shrimp rump.....I have a certain precious one that would utter the same words, but forget the bottom - it's flat out butt in this house :) I was laughing so hard after reading and re-reading that quote that I had a hard time repeating it to Andrew!!! Thanks for the laugh.....I needed it! Missed seeing you Tuesday and today.....take care and call if you need anything!

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  13. Oh- you crack me up! Shrimp bottom?! Kids are awesome.

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  14. How sweet that your husband was paying attention though. My husband never takes a hint...well, maybe that's a good thing since there are no feetie pajamas in my dresser drawer. LOL

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  15. my entire body is hurting from trying to contain my glee. This post. I mean, seriously I can't believe you battle bottom smell announcements too. Well, I sort of believe it. My kids have taken to "itching" their bottoms in public. Also they have started picking their noses. My husband in the car today said, "hey what are you digging for there son? Gold?" and the reply, "nope. Just boogers"
    Literally.
    Thanks for nothing embarrassing kids. Perhaps I need those pjs for public outings. Just to confuse people. To distract from my children's picking habits. It's nose vs. pjs.

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  16. p.s. once for my birthday my husband got me Flight of the Conchords on dvd and I made him take it back. yes, i like them on youtube, no, that is not a good birthday gift. So not romantic.
    Then I forgot the dvd in the shopping cart in the parking lot, so it was lost forever, sans rebate.
    Good times.

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  17. shoot. i was really hoping you'd show us a bunny picture of yourself. i have a fleece robe that zips up with snowflakes and moose and indian symbols. i wear it all the time. are you telling me i need an intervention or something? i ate shrimp today... i bet i have shrimp butt too.

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  18. Hey! That picture was taken at Hotel Park City in Park City Utah! AND you're as always hilarious!

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  19. NO FOOTIE PICTURE??? Just a stag and a dead tree? Darn.

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  20. you.are.the.funniest.person.of.all.time.
    so, yeah, no photo?
    no matter, my imagination is pretty amazing.
    i have a clear shot of the feeties and unfortunately a faint shrimp odor...

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  21. Oh this is wrong, oh this is really wrong. Unfortunately Red Lobster will never be the same for me. Once I have a mental picture nothing is ever the same... Weird as I am... I adore you enough that I give to you all my future shrimp scampi's. :)
    ~G~xo

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  22. I too, often complain of being cold. Last year, my husband bought me pink fleece footie pajamas with big red hearts all over them. for Valentine's Day. in the midst of a difficult time between us= very BAD timing. It took all of my control to not knock him out or burst into tears, while he and our 3 kids watched me open the gift. They begged me to try them on. They were WAY too big, which made it 100x worse for many reasons. So, after a couple weeks, I "secretly" shipped them back and surprisingly NO ONE has ever asked. This year, he bought me flowers. :)

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  23. Bought footed fleece pajamas for my husband for Christmas at his request. And I quote, "the only present I want for Christmas is Sock Monkey footed pajamas from Target." Clearly stated. Clearly noted. Sincerely regretted.

    He wore the pajamas all the live long day on Christmas. Wearing them in every picture.

    True. Story.

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  24. Okay, I will say that #2 gave me a real pause here. I'm assuming that it didn't really happen but you were thinking that it was a possible thing if you waited too long for the bath.

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    1. I'm thinking it really did happen...
      KIDS!
      ;)

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    2. Oh, it happened.

      But bless you for believing that it might not have. :)

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  25. one Christmas my husband MADE me footie pjs. He actually bought a pattern and sewed them himself at his aunt's with her helpful guidance! He knew I'd always wanted them :)
    The pity is that now they're a little tight...haven't been able to wear them in a while.

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  26. oh my gosh darn goodness, that is funny stuff!!

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  27. A couple Christmas' ago, I saw a rather large male walking around in footed pajamas with a trap door. How do I know they were footed in the winter, you ask. Well, he was walking around without snow. I thought to myself, they really make these for adults? Sure enough, on my jaunt to the Meijer later that week - there they were, both with and without trap doors for adults to buy. I have seen them every year since.

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  28. should have been walking around without shoes in the snow. My brain got ahead of my typing skills, again.

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  29. I am jealous! Although this demonstrates my lack of filtering, I always thought they were more suitable for boys than girls...chill factor when you have to use the bathroom at night.

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  30. at least they don't have 'the grinch' images all over them like my mother-in-laws.
    there are pictures.
    including one forever imprinted on a walgreens coffee mug.
    :)

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  31. hysterical. i only wish you'd taken a photo of it before returning! :) and as they say here, 'bless his heart', he loves you. :)

    was thinking of you as i prepare for Blissdom, secretly wishing you'd hop a plane and bum a room. lord knows, i'd make room for you. ;)

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  32. SO CUTE--BUT REALLY YOU SHOULD HAVE KEPT & WORN THEM! SERIOUSLY. ''NEVER'' LET ON U DON'T LIKE HUBBY'S GIFT! BAD MARRIAGE POLICY!!

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