1. If you pride yourself for being a weirdo, people will start to believe you. You will regret, for a moment, the time that you copped to owning a T-shirt emblazoned with the Periodic Table of the Elements, pretended to buy eyeglasses from 1982, and bragged about being a bonafide rodent magnet. Then you'll reconsider reconsidering and just continue to rock that weirdness because it's really all you've got.
2. When your dear, sweet child screams from across the room, "Hey, Mom! My bottom smells like shrimp!", it might be wise to carve out a more regimented bathing schedule.