Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Spill

Late this afternoon, I had a thought, I think I'll survive this winter after all.

It could have something to do with the fact that it was nearly 50 degrees. We're scoring early-March temps in early January.

It's funky. And I like it.

I celebrated by staying in my pajamas all day.

I promise I don't it as often as it may seem. I just feel compelled to confess when I do. Of course I don't like it. I don't enjoy being grungy all day. Yes, I avoid any and all mirrors. True, I might hide from Siley's camera. Indeed, I feel cooped up cozy, happy as a girl can be for the kind of day that requires nothing more from me than my presence. Of course I love it.

I washed sheets and read books out loud.

I brainstormed some crafts - Valentine's day is comiiiing!

I wished so bad that I could spirit myself to Austin Texas for this, come March.

When the bigs got home from school we made Greek yogurt parfaits then headed out for a sloppy, slushy walk.

We traipsed under canopy blue and I felt that little feeling of Spring. I tried not to feel it, I know it's not real. But what I heard was the drip-drop of melting snow and what I saw was life - the life  I'm apart of, the one made just for me.

Neighbors were out in sweatshirts and hats. The guy a few doors down lifted his hand in a wave, no smile, just a moment of recognition and the camaraderie of unexpected sunshine. He kept watching after we had passed. He thinks we have nothing in common. He's wrong.



We walked slow then slower, bending down to see what needed seeing. Most of what I needed to see wasn't "down" at all. It was around. Beside. Over. It was every house that sees me as a stranger. It was the fine thread of hope that Spring might change things.



 

This is the season of new beginnings, right? I can't be the only one feeling the pull.

I'd like to get a little healthier. I've started doing a little time on the treadmill, and by a little, I mean a little. I walk-jog-run (listed in order of duration) just one mile. No more. No less. I hate it. I hate every minute of it. Why am I such a stinking wimp? Why can't I be a cool running mom with hot pink shoes? Why do I sometimes run in my pajama pants? How can 14 minutes feel like a torturous lifetime?

I took a wash cloth down today to cover the clock, because if I don't cover it, all I do is stare. A watched treadmill never boils. Whatever.

Just as I realized a year ago that I desperately missed reading and needed more books in my life, I'm realizing now that I need more food in my life.

Stay with me.

I don't need more food on my plate. I need it in my life. I need to woo my lost love. I need to rekindle the romance between me, my weekly menu plan, and dinnertime.

Who's to say that Grocery Store Confessional won't pop up in the process?
Who's to say.

But what I want more than anything is to feel even more of this wonder full life. I want to memorize its contours in my hand. I want to know its weight, trust its worth. I want to remember it in the dark.

I want to laugh when I want to, cry when I need to, believe in the deep-down that every moment was crafted for me.

I'm thinking a life fully lived, fully loved, spills out over its edges. That's what I want.

Today, it began with a scooter.

Make that three.

It began with taking the time to walk the improbable fault-line between seasons in my sweats, not caring for a second about anything other than everything in arm's reach.


28 comments:

  1. Sounds like a very good day indeed, perfect for pajamas.

    Love that first photo, and can't wait to hear more grocery store confessionals.
    ~FringeGirl

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  2. Oh, I love posts about grocery shopping. I seriously enjoyed reading the receipts you linked to! More, please. =)

    I've been thinking more than usual about grocery spending this week because this is the 4th January in a row that I challenge myself to spend HALF our usual grocery budget, and then the other half gets donated to charity. The whole thing makes me giddy!

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  3. I love that first photo, too. Ruby would blend right into my house, wearing those colors. Especially if we threw a little lime green in there. We had a walk, today, too. Such a pretty day.

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  4. i want to remember in the dark, too.
    love this post, love you.

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  5. perhaps this?
    “To see a World in a Grain of Sand
    And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
    Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
    And Eternity in an hour.”
    ― William Blake, Auguries of innocence

    god's calling wonder out of you... i can see it. :)xo

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  6. you are too much! covering the clock with a towel. man i adore you.

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  7. OOOOOOOOOOOH. I didn't realize just how much I missed your grocery posts until you just mentions it. Then, my heart may have fluttered a little bit thinking about it;)

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  8. Ran across your blog quite by accident the other day and I am so glad I did. What a beautiful post :) I look forward to reading more of them!

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  9. Confession - as I put my pajamas on tonight (later than usual because we had church) I picked the ones I would like to wear well into the day tomorrow. I like pajamas. A lot. (too much?)

    Also, the laptop is a treadmill's best friend. That's the only way I survive it. I get most of my TV watching in and (barely) notice the time dragging on forever.
    (I think I went a little overboard with the parenthesis)(sorry)

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  10. I need a walk with you. My heart is a little overwhelmed today by life and busy and not stopping to enjoy things, especially my children. Confession over. Let's just make that happen sometime, k?

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  11. This is such a lovely post. I am new to your blog and found it through blog hopping from others to yours. I appreciate the words and thoughts you share here with us with such heart and sincerity. I am right with you in need of embracing life moment to moment and living and breathing it full in. With so much spinning around us, life someties gets lost in the shuffle. I love the image of your three little on their scooters. I remember those days of carefree wonder in my own childhood, when everything was new and exciting and worth taking notice of. It still is that way for we adults if only we stop and actually take notice as you described in this post. I think that you yourself have a gift in taking notice of what is truly awe-inspiring and wonderful in life. You share those observations here in this place and bless us with the chance to pause and take notice too. Thank you! I look forward to visiting you again soon!

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  12. I love your words about truly feeling life--memorizing its contours, remembering it in the dark. I want that to savor it, too. To be present in every moment and be thankful for it all. That's real living, don't you think? :)

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  13. I love your every post. And I went to the effort to crack open my laptop and comment the old-fashioned way because my phone has decided not to let me comment through blogger. Seriously, it has deleted at least 4 comments on various posts of yours. My smartphone is apparently not so smart.

    Enjoy your January, your kids, your jammies, and all things within arm's reach. And thanks for the reminder to just grab hold of the stuff within my own arms' circumference. I'm prone to get a bit too "reachy."

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  14. I just love these posts so much. You make me feel so hopeful.
    xo

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  15. If you can get yourself to Austin, you are more than welcome to stay with us! I know you might think it weird because you don't know me, but I know you - does that count? Been reading you daily since before Silas came along. And I might add that Austin is THE chips / salsa capital of the world so....
    Renee Wheeler
    Austin, TX

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  16. That photo of your daughter was just beautiful.

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  17. Just keep writing because I need to keep reading......:)

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  18. Saw the following little blip on facebook yestersday...

    "If you think a minute goes by quickly.....then apparently you have never been on a treadmill."

    Thought you would enjoy it as well! I.HATE.THE.TREADMILL.TOO.

    Erin S.

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  19. Shut the front door. I will take GSC over MSM any day. And I loved MSM. However, I find myself thinking about GSC at the GS often. Still. And it’s been years. So, there.

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  20. Your little girl has a future in fashion i should say. And you have a thing in photography too i've noticed. Those houses looks like big wooden sheds to me lol.

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  21. I wish I could've been on that walk with you. I love hearing your thoughts here on your blog but something about a walk with a friend is even better :)

    Just bought Crazy Love a few days ago. Can't wait to read it.

    XOXO,
    Angie

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  22. Lovely post. I adored every word!

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  23. I like this very much. Every bit of it. And I nearly fell of the couch giggling about the whole running in your pjs thing. That deserves an LOL! ;)

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  24. I walk on the treadmill and my two sanity savers are a towel to cover the display and my kids' travel DVD player. I can't watch the little red dots flash indicating how much of a lap I have completed. And I start to count pieces of lint on the carpet if I don't have something, like movies from the library, to occupy my wandering mind.

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  25. the secret to surviving the treadmill is a good book. mediocre books don't cut the mustard (and you shall know it's mediocre if one of your eyeballs is tracking the red blips), but lose me in a good book and my legs forget to protest. or maybe my brain is too otherwise-engaged to hear them. either way, it totally works.

    ps pjs are the perfect treadmill attire: breezy and non-constricting to boot. don't let anyone insist otherwise.

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  26. children playing on the garden that's so wonderful

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